overbrain: on feeling real pain

After living with depression for years, emptiness becomes part of your being. Everything that is supposed to hurt sparks a melancholic nothing.

And once recovered, real, sharp, crippling pain comes as a shock to the system. A new vulnerability appears on set. 

Perhaps it is different for people who become depressed later in life, but after being emotionally dead for a large part of your teenage years, learning to cope with intense emotions comes as a surprise. Suddenly, the loss of a friend you’ve known only briefly can be tragic. The pain is new and raw and almost unbearable. But there is no letting go, because the only thing worse than excruciating hurt is drowning in nothing again. And so we claw into any emotion, even pain, like it is a lifeline. Because it is. And we’re alive again. 

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